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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22843192">Curious Case</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudyPinkTwink/pseuds/CloudyPinkTwink'>CloudyPinkTwink</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ed Edd n Eddy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bullying, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Depression, F/M, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, apologies are hard, kevin manages anyways</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:14:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,637</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22843192</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudyPinkTwink/pseuds/CloudyPinkTwink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>With his parents having grown increasingly distant in the past years, a pit of resentment began to pool in his gut. It was not often it reared its ugly, bitter head- but when it did, Edd was bitter that they asked so much of him. They practically demanded he succeeded to their expectations- </p><p>But they failed all of his. </p><p>Briefly, he zoned back into the conversation. Later, he would think back on it with a wry little smile; how was it a trivial discussion like that caused the existential crisis that altered his life and- possibly- his very core?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edd "Double D"/Kevin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>141</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Listening In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've been on a KevEdd binge again lately and I haven't found a fic that really delves into Edd in a way that's killing this craving I've got; so I figured I'd write it myself. I'm also kinda tired of all the KevEdd fics I've read so far that are also complete going Distant&gt;sortafriends&gt;Dating in like the span of a week (not all ofc but a good chunk.) </p><p>I don't think canonically Edd's parents are really this bad or anything, but I want to explore this nevertheless. It's also 3am and I've been having a rough time sleeping lately, so might as well just write fanfics amirite?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A topic for debate is all it was- one Edd had decided not to immediately partake in because it wasn’t something inherently academic- his teacher, Mr. Kopp, was one who often littered wisdom and philosophical ideas as they tackled certain subjects in his lessons. Not something Eddward always agreed with, but he listened attentively and politely as always.</p><p>“Are you living of free will, or are you living based on someone’s expectations of you?” That’s what Mr. Kopp asked in the front of the class, a book in his hand. He gave a broad smile, waited for his students to think, before beginning to probe for people to give their opinions.</p><p>At first, most said that they were living for themselves- of course that’s what they decided. It was <em>their</em> life. They didn’t want anyone else to make any decisions for them- the idea was infuriating to most. Edd at this point agreed with a soft hum, writing down a few more notes on the discussion- things he felt were important.</p><p>“I think I’m still living for my parents.” A girl stated- and Edd does not know what pulled him in. What was it that caused his pencil to stop, his eyes to widen- his breath to catch in his throat, demanding to be let out as the seconds past and a burning began to build in his lungs. Perhaps it was her resigned tone- she wasn’t fighting her parents, and she stated as much when questioned. She was too tired to bother with that kind of effort.</p><p>Never considering it, Edd began chewing his lower lip as he let himself ponder the possibility that maybe he shared a similar fate as her- he realized though, a little belatedly, this wasn’t the first time such thoughts crossed his mind. With his parents having grown increasingly distant in the past years, a pit of resentment began to pool in his gut. It was not often it reared its ugly, bitter head- but when it did, Edd was bitter that they asked so much of him. They practically demanded he succeeded to their expectations-</p><p>But they failed all of his.</p><p>Briefly, he zoned back into the conversation. Later, he would think back on it with a wry little smile; how was it a trivial discussion like that caused the existential crisis that altered his life and- possibly- his very core?</p><p>“Well, I mean.” One student- a boy this time- shifted as he now thought about the question more carefully. “Sometimes I don’t think I really wanna be a mechanic.” He frowned. “My dad wants me to work with him though, and… I don’t know- it’s just been something expected of me.” He shrugged, feeling helpless and uncomfortable. He probably regretted admitting that under the limelight like that.</p><p>Mr. Kopp, sensing that, gave a pleased smile as he stepped back and dipped his head thoughtfully. “That’s something a lot of older generations do- they try to get a younger generation to fulfill their fantasy. Either because they themselves failed, or they want to keep the line going.” His eyes trailed over to the star pupil, who looked almost troubled.</p><p>“Eddward!” He called, wondering what kind of answer the genius would provide this time around. “Do you think you’re living for yourself, or someone else?”</p><p>Edd actually seemed to have to think for a moment, brow furrowing. Everyone took a moment to soak the image in, as they’d never seen him look confused- only two childhood peers ever had, but that was in Junior High. Since then he handled most problems with ease and no worries- if anything a pleased, challenged look on his expression.</p><p>“I would like to say I live for myself, Mr. Kopp.” Edd answered, sounding like he was choosing his words carefully. Before anyone could even whisper anything about him being an arrogant know it all, or the teacher could try and probe more, he added on. “However, I think it’s safe to assume that as teenagers we are still being influenced by our parents, and thus may partially be “living for them”.” A safe answer- one that made a few other students begin to relax.</p><p>Nodding contently, Mr. Kopp again addressed the class. “He’s got a point with that; you are still kids. I know you think you’re adults-“ A few students scrunched up their noses; they were the ones who felt they were mature enough for their age. “-but you’re not even twenty yet. You’re bound to be influenced by the people who have been a huge role to your life. Of course, when you graduate and do what you do- moving out, getting a job, or going to secondary school- you’ll be able to discover and learn for yourself.” He began going on a tirade that would take up the rest of class- on how college was not all it was cracked up to be, and taking a gap year wasn’t the end of the world.</p><p>Edd nodded, swallowing thickly as he drifted back to his own thoughts. He loved the academics and everything he did, but he was beginning to wonder…</p><p>How much of that was him, and how much of that was the influence and demands of his parents his whole life?</p><p>Oh dear, what a conundrum.</p>
<hr/><p>“C’mon Sockhead! What’s one day of slacking off gonna do to ya?” Feeling his eye twitch, Kevin glared over to the trio a little ways away; Eddy and Ed waiting for Double D, and trying to convince him to join them on… something. Who knew what.</p><p>While Eddy had stopped actually scamming people, he didn’t stop being a bossy, arrogant, annoyance- so he still clashed with most of the student body. <em>Especially</em> with Kevin. They never quite got over their childhood hatred, though it had mellowed out to some degree as they got older and the other understood a little more from Eddy’s brother.</p><p>But that was besides the point, and the redhead was pretty annoyed with listening to them hassle Double D- he wished that nerd would just go along or put his foot down- anything to shut the shorty up.</p><p>“Eddy, I told you.” He stated calmly enough, but Kevin could tell from years of knowing him that his patience was being tested. His body was more tense, his movements slightly more jerky. One could hear the control in his voice.</p><p>It didn’t take long for Kevin decide to take his time eavesdropping on them; it was always funny to watch something happen to those dorks.</p><p>“But Double DeeEEeee!” Ed whined, lumping against the lockers, but staying out of Double D’s way. “It’s the Classic Alien Monster Day of the Monster Rerun week!” Ah- of course it was something stupid. Ed never did quite grow out of those things.</p><p>“Sorry, gentleman. But I have chores that need to be done, and I must do my homework and study.”</p><p>“You ditched us all last week and the weekend for that crap, Double D!” Eddy threw his hands up, huffing angrily.</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry Eddy but my parents-“</p><p>“What about your parents, Sockhead? They’re-“ The shortest of the Eds closed his mouth, and Kevin was utterly floored by that. He peeked over his locker door to look over again, and was greeted by a sight of Double D glaring at Eddy.</p><p>“They’re what, Eddy?” His voice was tight. Kevin belatedly realized he was the only one left in the hallway. He wondered if he should go now, but he also wanted to see Eddy put his foot in his mouth as he always did.</p><p>But strangely enough, the anger seemed to deflate from him. “Nothin’.”</p><p>And just like that, Double D’s gaze softed, and another sigh escaped him. This much quieter. “I’m sorry, Eddy, Ed. This weekend we can do something together, but I really can’t slack off on my work right now.”</p><p>“Yeah yeah.” The anger and attitude seemed to come back to Eddy as he scoffed, kicking the ground. “Well whatever- get your stuff and let’s get out of here. I’m sick of this joint.”</p><p>Giving a smile, Double D did just that.</p><p>The Eds didn’t seem to notice him eavesdropping, but Kevin had to admit his curiosity was piqued. He had never seen Double D or Eddy act like that before. Double D was calm and polite, unless frazzled by some unsanitary disaster or when people poked and prodded about what was under his hat. Eddy was a short fuse who blew up at anyone, regardless of their status, age, or position. He never apologized, and he never backed down.</p><p>Shrugging, Kevin shrugged on his bag and finally began leaving as well.</p><p>It was something interesting to see, but nothing so firm that he felt it would really stay in his mind. The Eds were still largely outcasts, and Kevin still didn’t care. He was hoping to witness them fight- that would have been some spectacle alright.</p><p>While riding his motorcycle home, he passed by the trio. He would consider it amazing how they went from such a tense moment to laughing amicably and talking animatedly, but it actually wasn’t too different than how he was with his own friends on the football team. They could argue and fight one moment, and be good the next.</p><p>Scoffing, he rolled his eyes- snickering when he heard Eddy yell something angrily at him.</p>
<hr/><p>Ever since Double D moved in as a toddler, they always lived across the street from each other. And ever since he moved in, his parents were an absolute enigma.</p><p>The whole Cul-de-sac wondered about it, but they never talked about it. It seemed to be some unspoken rule, even after the incident with Eddy’s brother. Double D talked about them often enough that no one really questioned it, anyways. They just never <em>saw</em> them, themselves. Eddy and Ed made commentary too- albeit much less often and even more vague.</p><p>As they drifted apart into their select social circles- especially upon entering high school- it definitely became some useless curiosity that no one cared to pursue anymore.</p><p>But, watching the nerd finally go to bed at eleven in the night, rubbing his face tired, he couldn’t help but eye the ever empty parking spot in the his driveway. He couldn’t help think about how tense and cold he got, ready to burst into anger, when Eddy dared to say something about his parents.  </p><p>Kevin couldn’t help but wonder if that house was empty, and he actually shuddered at the thought. Both he and Double D were only children, but at least he had two warm, energetic parents that filled their home with life.</p><p>He didn’t want to imagine what a house like that would feel like</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Cold Walk Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ticking off the shopping list mentally in his head, Edd left school by himself to go towards the Cul-de-sac. On his way he figured he could stop at the store and pick up what he needed, rather than wait until it was an inconvenience and he’d have to go out of his way to get things. Not only that, but his parents had refilled his necessities money just the other day, so he was free to get more cleaning supplies and food without worry.</p><p> </p><p>Not that he ever really spent much, but he limited himself so as to be responsible. He actually had a good bit of money left over- and his parents had vaguely stated he could do with it what he pleased since it was his “allowance”.</p><p> </p><p>He knew better, and saved it.</p><p> </p><p>This was something he had only told Eddy about- partially, as he didn’t know it wasn’t really allowance- when they had gotten older and Eddy had mostly grown from his greedy mindset. While the other egged him to spend it more freely, he didn’t do so as seriously as he would have when they were younger. He most certainly didn’t ask or try to get him to spend it on stuff <em>he</em> wanted, either.</p><p> </p><p>While Eddy had indeed matured, he couldn’t help his annoyance at Edd having kept that secret- though he begrudgingly let it go when both Edd and Ed pointed out how money hungry he was in the past.</p><p> </p><p>Eddy still brought it up from time to time-  and was often frustrated Edd refused to use it beyond necessities for his house. Despite all his rage and whining, however, he did ultimately respect Edd’s decisions with his own allowance.</p><p> </p><p>Ed has voiced how weird it was Edd handled everything in the same way his parents did. Eddy had mockingly told him it was because Edd was responsible while Ed wasn’t- it went over the larger boy’s head, though.</p><p> </p><p>But that is when the concern from the other two seemed to start.</p><p> </p><p>The was a revelation from 2 years ago, when they were halfway through their first year of high school.</p><p> </p><p>A cold, late November wind pulled Edd from his thoughts and reminisce, and he quickened his pace while wrapping his sweater around himself better, trying but failing to stop a harsh shiver from passing through. The cold was absolutely dreadful, even if the teen found snowfall beautiful and relaxing to watch.</p><p> </p><p>Normally, Edd had the companionship of Ed or Eddy- sometimes both- on his way home from school. Today was not one of those days, and he didn’t have their presence and conversation to distract him from the chilly weather.</p><p> </p><p>It was a little uncommon for the smartest of the Eds to walk home alone, but nothing that ever surprised him. No longer were the three boys joined at the hip constantly- they were growing and had other responsibilities and lives to attend to, and they each understood that.</p><p> </p><p>For example, Ed would stay after a couple days a week so he could do extra class work- both for bonus points in his classes, but also so he’d have more time to study and learn. At first he wasn’t very happy about it, bored and uncomfortable, but the tutor found a way to make it work and Ed was indeed growing. His grades had improved from F’s and D’s to D’s and C’s- even an occasional B in there. He seemed to suffer the most with homework and things required outside of class, so that’s what he spent that extra hour or so doing. Ed was happy to say he had become friends with a few of the other students there as well, easing the worries Edd had that he’d get stressed and lonely. He didn’t do as well singled out and by himself.</p><p> </p><p>Eddy himself had been forced into a part time job by his parents- it was small, and only took 3 days up out of the school week. Since it was only a few hours, he’d often go over to Ed’s house afterwards to go and hang out until it was too late. It was a disciplinary action his parents took when they were in 9th grade, due to him still doing some scams and getting into a few fights. While he could leave if he really wanted, he ultimately didn’t want to damage and strain the relationship with his parents any further- they had kicked out his older brother, they surely would with him too. Not only that, but despite what rants he went on, he did love and respect them. He simply stated at least he was getting paid for it, so that’s why he stayed.</p><p> </p><p>Edd helped out with their science club and chess club, but chess was only on Wednesdays for now, and Science club had been canceled. Otherwise he would have found Ed waiting for him, and they would have gone back to the cul-de-sac together.</p><p> </p><p>It was no bother to Edd, really, as he still couldn’t slack to spend time with them until later tomorrow- Saturday- or Sunday. He still had chores that needed to be completed, as well as his own homework. While he was a genius and smart kid, that only meant he was in almost all advanced classes- which meant he was given some challenge and much more work. It was time consuming and dare he say- tiring.</p><p> </p><p>But he wouldn’t stop nor slack, too focused and intent on maintaining his GPA as well as his golden attendance. No matter how exhausting it became, he would continue up keeping the lifestyle he had always known.</p><p> </p><p>Which meant he vigorously cleaned, studied- both what the school gave him and his own research- and cooked for himself. He took care of the house’s upkeep beyond repairs, in which he sent a text to his parents and they wordlessly paid and hired someone else to do it. When he was younger he might have done things himself, having had that interest in tinkering and machines- but now he was too tired to maintain that beyond any school classes or extra curriculum, like the robot fair in the spring.</p><p> </p><p>At least getting wrapped up in his planning for his chores distracted him from the cold weather, since his friends weren’t there to do so. Thankfully, he had reached his destination of the store, quickly making his way through the parking lot to the warm, golden doors.</p><p> </p><p>Stepping into the bricked building and hearing the doors slide close behind him, Edd grabbed a cart and let out a happy sigh at the warmth it offered.</p><p> </p><p>Humming quietly to himself, he started off getting what he knew he needed- all the cleaning supplies- before he meandered to the food. That took a little more thinking and decision making- he often found himself wanting things that hardly took time to make. With all his responsibilities, he already went to bed so late. Lunch was becoming his most important meal, and even then he was often in the library after eating a small sandwich and some fruit. Eating really was a task that annoyed him, even if there was some food he enjoyed. The amount of things he could get done if he wasn’t stuck having to nourish himself. That and sleep. The amount of things he could get done in that 8 hour period- well, more like 6, 5 hour period for him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yo, Double D!” Edd was brought out of his thoughts, looking at cucumber as if it held the secrets to his worries, to see not just one of those classmates, but one of his childhood peers. The girl who called his name snorted at his expression and explained what was so funny to him, causing him to feel embarrassed. Moreso at being so distracted at the store of all places than being caught with that expression.</p><p> </p><p>Blushing, Double D placed it down and sent a warm, if not a little shy, smile to her. “Greetings, Nazz! How are you?” He sounded cheerful and polite, which is what he wanted. The idea of his tone giving away his exhaustion was something he loathed, and only Eddy or Ed had ever bear witness to it.</p><p> </p><p>Giggling, the blonde pushed her hair behind her ear. “I’m good, Double D. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you alone here before. You’re normally with Eddy or Ed, and you’re scolding them like a mother for how much junk food they want.”</p><p> </p><p>Edd’s smile turned a little fond at that; he did often scold them, and they- especially Eddy- often compared him to a mother for it. “That’s odd; I’ve always come here since it’s within easy walking distance of my home. Perhaps we’ve somehow always evaded one another whenever I’ve come alone.” He answered easily.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess so.” Nazz replied, just as easily.</p><p> </p><p>While Edd wasn’t particularly close to Nazz- or the other cul-de-sac kids- their relationships had mellowed out as they got older. Now he was just the butt end of jokes and rumors pertaining to his neediness and sexuality- although he had never spoken about the latter. It was just something kids did- and while it stung at times he often was able to ignore it.</p><p> </p><p>Kevin and Nazz were friends with those people, and while they never insulted him, they never defended him. So, again, they weren’t particularly close. But they didn’t clash or fight- especially not in the way Eddy and Kevin still did.</p><p> </p><p>Nazz was still easy to talk to, regardless if alone or not. Her warmth had never left her, and she was always able to beat down the barriers of awkwardness that came from Edd and his overbearing intelligence and little social skill. He was thankful his crush on her had ended so he could enjoy this without becoming a flustered mess.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Nazz where-“ Kevin rounded the corner, noticing but not reacting negatively to Edd’s presence. “Oh, hey Double Dork.” The nickname that seemed to never leave. Nazz sent a small glare his way, but again, he didn’t react.</p><p> </p><p>“Salutations, Kevin.” He greeted amicably enough. He was neither pleased nor displeased to see the other, considering he was much kinder to him without his friends around for him to fall into that mean, jock persona.</p><p> </p><p>Edd wondered if he was aware he did that, and what his thoughts were about it.</p><p> </p><p>“You hosting a salad bar or somethin’?” Kevin asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he came to rest by Nazz. “That’s a lot of green for a Friday night. You should live a little and get some tastier snacks.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s nothing wrong with eating healthy, Kevin.” Nazz scolded the larger boy for him, and he had to suppress a grin at that. “Vegetables and salads are just as tasty as other foods.”</p><p> </p><p>Judging by Kevin’s expression, he didn’t agree.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m simply stocking up for the week or so; I haven’t made it to the meat section yet.” Which was true- he always hit that last. Though, while he wasn’t vegetarian or vegan, he didn’t have any fondness for meat and only ate it since it was something his parents deemed important. “What about you two?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’m having movie night at my house.” Nazz chirped, happily. She always seemed to be hosting something. The idea of hosting that much tired Edd out, but she seemed to thrive off of it. “It was more last minute, so we’re here to get some snacks and stuff.” Her expression suddenly lightened, and Kevin looked like he was suppressing a groan but not his eye roll at the familiar face.</p><p> </p><p>It was easy for Edd to guess where she was going based off that and his knowledge of the girl. O</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Double D! Why don’t you come? It’s been forever since you were over for a movie night!” Last time had been junior high.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh- thank you, but I’ll have to pass.” He stated politely, noticing Kevin’s relieved look. He didn’t blame him; Edd wouldn’t mix well with their current friend group. “I have a good number of things I need to do tonight and tomorrow morning, so I don’t really have the time. I appreciate the offer, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Kevin’s expression flickered into... something... but Edd wasn’t sure. He decided not to linger on the thought, having other concerns to tend to.</p><p> </p><p>Nazz pursed her lips. “Well, if you’re sure... the invite is there, and you know where I live if you change your mind.”</p><p> </p><p>Edd simply smiled at the gesture.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Nazz.” Kevin cut in, probably beginning to feel awkward, “why don’t we go ahead and let the dork finish his shopping- we still need to do our own shopping too, you know.” He gave a lazy grin a single shoulder shrug.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh- your right.” Nazz seemed to remember that and smiled at the other boy. “Well, see you later, Double D.” She waved before pulling the redhead with her.</p><p> </p><p>“Later, dweeb.”</p><p> </p><p>Edd supposed he should take more offense to those terms- dork and dweeb- but Kevin’s tone suggested no arrogance or malice. Both terms seemed to have faded from insults from over the years and turned into, for lack of a better term, nicknames from a friend. At least, whenever Kevin wasn’t with his other jock friends.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking the thoughts from his head, Edd made haste to finish his shopping- the conversation with Nazz had already taken up more time than he would have liked.</p><p> </p><p>As easily as they showed up, the blonde and the redhead faded from the genius’ thoughts and he went back to focusing on his priorities. It didn’t take long for him to finish getting what he needed- but apparently it had taken the other two just as long to get their things. He didn’t even notice them, too focused on planning his schedule for when he got home, until Nazz called out for him.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh!” Nazz seemed happy again. “We took Kevin’s car here, so we can give you a lift!” She offered her kindness again, and Kevin failed to suppress a groan- which immediately earned him a glare from the girl and a light elbow to the stomach.</p><p> </p><p>However, Kevin wasn’t the only one who wasn’t overly fond of the idea.</p><p> </p><p>“No worries; I wouldn’t want to burden either of you. It’s quite alright for me to walk home- I’ve done it plenty of times before.”</p><p> </p><p>“How?” Kevin questioned, incredulous. “Your bags must weigh a ton- and you’re an absolute bean pole.” Edd couldn’t help but purse his lips at that, but he shook his irritation away.</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose while it doesn’t show, having done this long enough gave me some muscle.” He pulled his bags out of the cart as they all walked out, pushing it back where it belonged.</p><p> </p><p>Gravity certainly made its presence aware, but Edd had indeed been doing this long enough he could manage the ten minute walk home.</p><p> </p><p>A silent conversation of expressions was happening behind the lanky teen, something where he was unaware so he couldn’t give his input, but he was aware of Kevin’s exasperated sigh. “No- dude- come on I’ll give you a lift home. It’s not even a minute from where Nazz lives.”</p><p> </p><p>Turning back, the blonde had a satisfied smirk, thinking she had won.</p><p> </p><p>Clearly, she had no idea how stubborn Edd could be about certain things- including not being a burden to others. Kevin was not her only obstacle to jump over, but Edd had doubts she would try as hard with him.</p><p> </p><p>Clearly, he underestimated how stubborn she and Kevin both were as a unit. The jock already agreed to do it, so he wasn’t going to back out so easily.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s quite alright Nazz; I don’t mind the walk.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, it’s freezing out.” That was true, and Edd couldn’t deny how much he’d rather have a warm transportation than be in the cold.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s refreshing, and it’s only a ten minute walk-“ he was interrupted as Kevin narrowed his eyes, stalked forward, and snatched one of his bags.</p><p> </p><p>Nazz tried to look annoyed on his behalf, but the genius could see her own satisfaction.</p><p> </p><p>“If you want your broccoli, cucumbers and- what even is that?- whatever- then you’ve got to ride with us.” Kevin wasn’t going to budge on this, and Edd pursed his lips.</p><p> </p><p>They held each other’s stares, neither willing to budge, before another cold breeze came and shook the smaller boy’s resolve, causing him to sigh after a shiver.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright; thank you.” At least he kept up his manners.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Imagining that Edd grew up in a home where a facade was something he had to keep up in order to preserve an image isn't that astounding to me; less prestigious folks do it all the time. Keeping something like that up while also being exhausted from everything one is "obligated" to do is tiring though, so at least Edd can drop it whenever he's with Eddy and Ed.</p><p>Thank you for reading though :) Writing this is pretty fun and I hope to keep it up uwu</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Cookies and Politeness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Surprisingly, the drive was quite comfortable. Then again, Nazz was there, and she was always able to break things down so it was casual and easy- it's something Kevin always appreciated about her.</p>
<p>She and the dork were talking about one of the classes they shared together- with Nazz doing the most talking. It wasn't so much because she was a chatterbox that could never shut up as much as it was she could tell Double D wouldn't offer too much of his own commentary. While he could easily keep up with a conversation, he didn't seem to be the one to take control of the wheel with it unless it was about academics or something.</p>
<p>Kevin himself just hummed in response, otherwise focusing on the drive. There were a few red lights, but otherwise it was just a couple minutes. He still couldn't believe Double D was going to walk home with that stuff- it wasn't light, what all he had. Briefly, he wondered how often he made the trek home alone like that. No doubt the small, twig of a teen was sore and exhausted.</p>
<p>That being said, Kevin would have been more than happy to leave Double D on his own. While they weren't enemies, they weren't friends. No doubt they'd both get harassment from their respective social grouos should they suddenly get buddy buddy. Kevin's teammates and pals still made fun of the dorky trio- a lot of people even thought Double D was gay and there was no doubt he heard about the rumors and the name calling. He never reacted to them though, which had the jock curious. What was the truth to some of these rumors?</p>
<p>"Hey dude, we can help you put your stuff in." Nazz's offer broke Kevin from his thoughts, earning another groan from the jock. Why was she always so intent on being friendly and considerate? After years of friendship, the redhead knew he wasn't going to be able to get out of it without her calling him out on being a dick. There wasn't a good reason to deny him, either.</p>
<p>"That's quite alright, but-"</p>
<p>Jesus, why was it so hard to help him? Eddy always seemed ready to others to do work for him, but Double D was the exact opposite in that he tried to do everything himself.</p>
<p>With a roll of his eyes, Kevin pulled in the driveway. It was empty most of the time, so he almost felt special having his car in there. "Deal with it, dweeb. Nazz isn't going to let either of us say no."</p>
<p>The girl's satisfied smirk only confirmed that, and they were graced by a small, rare, irritated sigh from the other- quickly replaced by a smile.</p>
<p>The expression seemed forced for a moment before that melded away, making Kevin wonder if he was imagining things.</p>
<p>"Thank you- in that case, I baked cookies the other day and still have some left over. Let me give them to you since you're so insistent on helping me out." His offer was kind enough, but something about the wording and tone made Nazz and Kevin share a look.</p>
<p>No longer did he think he imagined the forced look on the other boy's face.</p>
<p>It was almost as if he felt bothered by their help- something that annoyed him honestly. They didn't have to help him, so why couldn't he just be grateful they were trying to make it easier for him?</p>
<p>Kevin thought about the usually empty driveway they were in.</p>
<p>Maybe they weren't making it easier on him.</p>
<p>If he really was irritated, he was back to being polite and genuinely warm. He chatted with Nazz while Kevin opened the trunk- he grabbed the cleaning chemicals while the other two grabbed the food. The Dweeb did get other things than vegetables, but it didn't look all that appealing to him anyways.</p>
<p>"You know Kev," Nazz whispered, almost excitedly- she leaned over and was smiling up at him with a weird twinkle in her eye. Like a little kid sneaking to see presents. "I've never been inside Double D's house before."</p>
<p>It was a treat and a rarity- they had been in everyone's home in the cul-de-sac except Double D's- Eddy had held a few (admittedly not-lame) parties and get togethers in middle school after The Incident, and Ed had invited them to one movie night that might've been a little too gorey for Kevin- but Sarah had also invited them over for birthday parties, which brought them over and into the same house.</p>
<p>Double D was the mystery one.</p>
<p>"Yeah, me neither. During the summer once he let me chill on his porch and gave me lemonade though." A nice memory- a fuzzy one, but Kevin could easily remember how polite and kind Double D had been to him. Back then they were still Bully and Nerd, but the dork had always been polite and readily forgiving.</p>
<p>"Right- when you tripped into a mud pile in front of his house?" Kevin confirmed it with an embarrassed scowl, bumping against Nazz warningly- playfully. Her response was a giggle before they stepped inside the warm home.</p>
<p>He was grateful she was his best friend.</p>
<p>They considered the dating scene, and even did so for a month. That wasn't for them though, and they preferred their friendship compared to a forced relationship.</p>
<p>Walking into the nerd's home, neither teen could say they were surprised by how neat and orderly Double D's house was. It was rather large and spacious- but also had some pretty nice furniture and stuff in it. There were pictures on the wall, but largely of individuals. Not many, either- Kevin tried to see if he could glimpse a family portrait, but it was a failed mission. Judging by Nazz's sigh and pout, she did the same thing.</p>
<p>Kevin was surprised, though, at the lack of trophies and awards on display- his parents happily showed them off with loud pride that made him embarrassed and warm. Thankful to be their son as they pat him on the back and laughed with him during his embarrassing stories.</p>
<p>With how accomplished the nerd seemed to be, surely his family would do the same?</p>
<p>"Woah dude. That's a nice set up." Nazz whistled, walking to the kitchen with her eyes on the living room. A very modern, minimalistic room with a nice looking stereo system and big TV. "This would be a great room to have a movie night in." Her voice was on the edge of suggestive, and Kevin shot her a look.</p>
<p>"Sorry, but I don't think that's something my parents would ever be fond of." Double D laughed quietly- a different tone. One Kevin faintly recognized from earlier in the week during the argument.</p>
<p>Kevin's curiosity from before rose, but he knew it was stupid so he kept his mouth shut, quietly following after the two.</p>
<p>"That sucks, Dude. I hear Ed talk about his movie nights with you and Eddy; you guys ever watch them here?" She and Kevin both placed their bags down, and Double D pulled out a Tupperware container for them. "Seems like the best place to do it with how big the couch is and the TV."</p>
<p>"A few times, but Eddy and Ed get rather messy, so I decided it was best not to entertain them in my house for very long. And-" he caught himself in such a way both Nazz and Kevin noticed, even though he tried to brush that "and" off as a cough. Didn't do a very good job of it, given the jock caught it and decided to question it.</p>
<p>"And what, dude?" Kevin prompted. Wondering if this had to do with his parents not fond of people being there.</p>
<p>He wanted to desperately to ask.</p>
<p>But he knew from Nazz that it was better he didn't.</p>
<p>He already felt a little dumb for even prying about that, rather than letting it go.</p>
<p>"Nothing, I just caught myself before I began rambling like Eddy says I do." He offered a smile to the two, but Kevin felt it was a little... tight. Was that a lie? Is that how he lied? His smile again melded and seemed natural and smooth- poised and perfect.</p>
<p>Kevin had a feeling both he and Nazz noticed how tense the other got this time, even if only for a moment.</p>
<p>There was a few seconds of awkward silence as Double D gathered the cookies, the nerd muttering curses under his breath as the plastic lid those cookies were contained in fought him for a bit. He did get it though, and he gave most of them to take home. They knew where he lived and went to school with him- they could easily return it. Or not- he didn't seem too bothered by it. It was labeled with "cookies", right above "Medium Tupperware".</p>
<p>Dork was still weird, that's for sure.</p>
<p>"Dude you've hardly left any for yourself." Nazz tried to decline, but it felt like the decision was sealed when the lid closed and he handed it to her, that pleasant and warm and poised smile on his face.</p>
<p>"Don't worry about it. I likely wasn't going to eat them anyways, and I normally make more for Ed and Eddy."</p>
<p>"You like baking?" She took the Tupperware and opened it, taking a cookie and nibbling on it. Double D didn't have a moment to respond as she practically moaned. "Oh dude-" she took some bigger bites. Kevin didn't know what was funnier- her eating those ravenously or the dork's growing horror at the crumbs dropping. "These are so fuckin' good."</p>
<p>If Nazz was praising them like that, Kevin definitely had to give one a try.</p>
<p>"Oh Christ man- yeah fuck." Despite not being fresh, they still left some satisfied warmth in his belly that had him feeling content and comfortable. "Are you a wizard? Can I sell my soul for a lifetime's supply?"</p>
<p>Double D's eyes widened a bit before he let out another soft laugh- though this sounded more surprised and genuine than before- covering his mouth and shaking his head. "I'm glad you two enjoy it, but you have your own groceries to attend to."</p>
<p>Kevin knew a dismissal when he heard one- though it wasn't wrong and they did have to prep and choose movies.</p>
<p>While they could easily walk themselves out- and it's what they would do with anyone else- he actually took them door to say goodbye. "Have a joyous evening with your friends, Nazz and Kevin. Thank you for helping me with these groceries."</p>
<p>It sounded formal, too formal. "Yeah, no prob dude. Any time." The jock offered, getting a brow raise from Nazz and another, tight lipped smile from Double D.</p>
<p>He wanted to know what those smiles meant, but he didn't know why.</p>
<p>He didn't think that would stop him.</p>
<p>"Of course, Kevin. See you later."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You think you know someone, but then you don't. And all of a sudden, you're noticing everything different that goes against what you perceived them to be. </p>
<p>And boy, if that doesn't make one curious. </p>
<p>Kevin’s curiosity is more akin to someone being curious about other’s lives. Like when people are curious about others’ drama, even though they themselves don’t want to be a part of it or even have anything to do with all members involved with the issue. </p>
<p>Sorry for any errors- I did go over it a few times but the flu and allergies are kicking my ass right now lol. It’s also 1:30am, and once I finished writing this I sneezed like 20 times.</p>
<p>Prayers that you’re all doing well, though! </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Warmth Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone knocks at his door at 1am, the time when we're all thinking about everything.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It would be a lie to say the knocking woke him up, but he could still act disgruntled anyways.</p><p>It was one in the morning, after all, and he had <em>finally</em> finished cleaning everything he had to and was just finishing up his extracurricular work.</p><p>Despite it being Friday night (or Saturday morning if you want to get technical), he had to get everything done if he still wanted to have time for his daily chores and spending time with his friends and own research.</p><p>While there was no dire need for him to do his own research or extracurricular , Edd felt it was important to maintain all of his work- both mandatory and optional. It would allow him to keep moving forward into the world of adults as a young man who showed he would get the job done, no matter how much was on his plate and how much was weighing on him- just like his parents taught him.</p><p>Just like they demanded and asked of him.</p><p>The exhaustion- something deeper than just having stayed up too late- gnawed at him and begged him to go to bed. To ignore the person knocking at his door so late in the night- to ignore how Edd was going to be awake for a couple hours more anyways making sure he did everything he had to do.</p><p>Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Edd approached his door to see who had knocked at this ungodly hour. There were no flashing lights, so it wasn't the police to tell him his world was over. Who, then? Peering through the peephole only added to his confusion, and after brief hesitation, he opened the door.</p><p>"Kevin?" He asked the clearly drunk boy, squinting- it took a moment for his eyes to adjust for him to make out his features.</p><p>The older boy was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, hardly appropriate for the cold, weather. Labored breathing and a confused, hazy gaze told Edd what he needed to know while the two stared at one another for what felt like hours. The nerd standing nervously in his home in pajamas, and the jock leaning against his door frame as though it's a casual summer afternoon.</p><p>After a few moments, he finally spoke. "Can I come in? It's cold…" His words were much quieter- Edd never heard the other speak so softly before.</p><p>"Oh! Um- of course, please." Edd pulled him inside, more concerned with his health than whatever filth he might be bringing in. "Kevin- what are you-"</p><p>"'M drunk." He answered simply, aware of himself at least. "Mom 'n dad will kill me if I come home like this." The redhead made a beeline for the living room, plopping himself on their couch- it was enough for his size. Meaning it was way better than the couch at his Nazz's where he had to uncomfortably curl up or hang off of it. This was so much better, he mused, sinking his body into the cushions with a sigh.</p><p>"So… you came here?" The confusion Edd displayed only confused the drunken jock. Which Edd thought was amusing, though it was hidden well- this wasn't the best situation to be laughing at he felt.</p><p>"Well, why not? You're alone and have a comfy couch." Kevin responded, squinting at him. Well, no, he wasn't squinting- his eyes would have to be open for that.</p><p>While he did have a point that no one else was there to yell at him for being drunk (and his couch <em>was</em> comfortable), Edd was still baffled. "Why not stay with Nazz? Or with one of your other friends?"</p><p>"'Cause you have a comfy couch."</p><p>Ah, the answer to everything.</p><p>Edd sighed through his nose, shaking his head and scratching the back of his neck, a little surprised he wasn't denying him and kicking him back out like he knew his parents would want.</p><p>It was Friday night, so he supposed it was alright for Kevin to sleep it off. His parents definitely weren't coming home this weekend, so he didn't have to worry about them coming home and demanding answers he didn't have.</p><p>He wondered what would make them more upset; that there was a drunk boy with their son- who use to bully him, or that someone else was in their precious house?</p><p>With that bitter thought in mind, Edd made his decision.</p><p>"Alright, let me get you a blanket, then." And off he went, fetching the bigger boy a comforter so he could be warm and cozy.</p><p>It was weird- foreign- to Edd to have another sleeping in house. It was years ago that Ed and Eddy had slept over, but after the stress it put on Edd they decided not to do it again, after the third or fourth attempt. It was awhile later they just stopped hanging out inside his house beyond brief moments for collecting him or the rare study sessions where they actually sat down and did their work- albeit begrudgingly on Eddy's end.</p><p>When his parents were home, they felt like strangers to him. He couldn't remember the last time they had a proper conversation. At this rate, they really did speak more between notes and emails where they told him what he needed to do.</p><p>So needless to say, having someone drunk on his couch- moaning at how comfortable it was- was a new thing Edd wasn't expecting nor did he know how to handle it beyond the basics of making sure he was covered with a blanket and had water and asprin for when he woke up.</p><p>"Here you are." The nerd mumbled, throwing the blanket over him with a soft sigh through his nose.</p><p>A hand grabbed his wrist before he pulled away completely, causing him to squeak in surprise- not that he would really admit that.</p><p>Then Kevin was pushing himself up, twisting his body so his elbow was supporting him and he was able to stare at Edd- and the smaller boy felt required to return it. Despite how obviously drunk he was, Kevin really did have a powerful stare that kept Edd in place.</p><p>"K-Kevin?" Nervousness coiled within his gut for a moment, but that expression didn't seem all that cruel or mean. Just… serious. But why?</p><p>"Why… why are you all alone?" The jock asked, voice soft and eyes <em>hurt</em>.</p><p>Hurt? Hurt for who? For what reason?</p><p>"I- I- what do you mean?" Edd needed answers for his confusion, but he was given none. The other boy just huffed- perhaps the thought had left his mind- and turned over to go back to sleep. His hand was still holding onto the nerd's wrist, and instead of pulling away, he simply sat down by the couch so the redhead could continue holding it.</p><p>"Kevin?"</p><p>There was no response, confirming it for Edd that the other was asleep and he would be receiving no answers to his questions tonight.</p><p>Nevertheless, he remained for a few moments more, listening to Kevin's even breathing.</p><p>There was something nice about having someone else there, in that big, empty house. His family were minimalists when it came to decorations beyond his own room- even then it was more that he had a lot of practical items rather than decorative.</p><p>However, that was beyond the point.</p><p>The point was Edd often felt alone in a house meant to offer warmth and sanctuary.</p><p>And it wasn't until he was sitting next to Kevin, passed out drunk on his couch, that he felt that again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for how long I took and that this chapter is shorter uwu just a little tired.</p><p>I'm getting back into making charms and stickers and doing other art stuff, so that's been taking up a majority of my time. I also got married tho so heck ye!</p><p>I have the story outlined tho so I won't be abandoning it I promise C:</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Casual and Uncomfortable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Who knew that all he did to have a casual conversation was get drunk and show up at 2am at his doorway and pass out on his couch? Kevin actually enjoys breakfast with the dweeb.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More talk of underage drinking in this chapter. While I understand it's a normal part of a lot of teenager's lives, please note I do not condone it at all.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Waking up at someone's house for the first time can be a little confusing, but even more so when you didn't get there and go to sleep sober. So, needless to say, Kevin was <em>extremely</em> confused upon waking up Saturday morning, hearing someone humming a room over. Not only was it not the voice of one of his usual friends or mother, but the ceiling and couch was something he didn't recognize.</p><p>Despite the confusion, there was no panic in the jock to get up and leave. He felt rather at ease and comfortable, actually, so he decided to just lay there all bundled up. It was better to be bundled up and cozy, trying to remember everything that happened, rather than go brave the cold November air just because he was a little uncertain as to what was happening.</p><p>"Not awake yet?" He heard a familiar voice mumble, but he decided to try and pretend to be a sleep for a little longer. "Tsk, it's already 9am… such a late sleeper."</p><p>Excuse you, 9am on a Saturday was <em>early</em> and he would not be judged for it… later. Right now he was trying to remember why he was at the dweeb's house. There was no doubt he walked himself there while drunk- none of his friends would bring him to Double Dork's house of all places- not even Nazz. So, yeah.</p><p>Question left was <em>why</em>.</p><p>Annoyingly enough, that was only something he could answer. Dork was probably just as confused as he was.</p><p>For some reason, he had felt the need to go to Double D's house at some ungodly hour to crash. He knew in his heart he'd be awake- he had seen him up later than him numerous times to know the other wouldn't have been asleep.</p><p>But that was beyond the point- Nazz would have let him in. Rolf would have. They both have done it many other times.</p><p>So Why Double D?</p><p>Pondering his life choices with a good degree of grump, Kevin lied there dead to the world. He had been hoping to catch some secret, but all the other did was cook and mutter softly while cleaning.</p><p>It wasn't a secret that Kevin wanted to know more about the elusive creature known as Double D- he wanted to know why he was the way he was, or why he did the things he did.</p><p>A soft sound finally caught his attention, causing him to twitch and turnaround from the couch to see the dork placing down a plate of warm and fluffy looking eggs.</p><p>"Oh, Kevin!" Double D gasped, as though surprised he was awake- or maybe his sudden movement caught him off guard that much. "I made you some eggs- water and medicine for your headache have been here for a good while, should you have woken before I finished cooking…"</p><p>"Thanks, Dweeb. But I don't actually get hungover." Kevin sat up, still drinking the water and taking the asprin for a different ache he had- not doubt from getting too rough with the boys last night. "I'm sore- probably from partying too hard last night- but yeah. It's the best thing ever."</p><p>Double D seemed surprised at that- almost disbelieving. "Is that so?"</p><p>"Yep- I've never gotten hungover once. My friends envy it."</p><p>There was a moment of silence, where the smaller boy seemed to be considering and studying him- as if trying to figure out if he was lying or telling the truth. He seemed to believe him, in the end.</p><p>"Huh- that must be fantastic. Eddy gets hungover and laments his existence for a good few hours." Double D hummed, taking a seat on a nearby, matching chair. "Ed himself gets them but is surprisingly a good sport about them."</p><p>"Wait- have- have you actually had alcohol before?" Kevin's eyes widened, and so did Double D's. He must've just let the comments slip in comfort.</p><p>"Oh- um-"</p><p>"Dude- if you have, I won't tell anyone. Not even Nazz; scout's honor."</p><p>The nerd squinted, his mouth quirking in amusement. "You weren't even a boy scout."</p><p>Kevin made a noise, caught in a lie but there was no way the dweeb could actually know that. "Hey, you don't know me-"</p><p>"I do; Johnny commented on it once that he was the only one from our cul-de-sac to be in the boy scouts. He had tried recruiting us all, remember? I believe you laughed at him and biked away."</p><p>….Okay so he could remember that…</p><p>"Still!" Kevin persisted. The idea of the straight lace, good boy Double D who never missed school and got perfect grades and was the stellar role model drinking was… too exciting. To a point where Kevin really would keep it between them- he just wanted to know if there were any dark secrets lurking there.</p><p>"…Once. I ended up getting so anxious about my parents finding out I threw up, so we decided I just wouldn't." Kevin grimaced, and Double D snickered softly.</p><p>"How drunk did you even get?"</p><p>"Not that drunk, I don't think. I was tipsy enough I was considerably more clumsy- I ran into a door despite it being firmly closed the whole time."</p><p>That got a small chuckle out of the jock. "So you don't drink anymore then? Do you still hang out with them when they do?" Even the idea of those dweebs actually getting drunk was weird to Kevin- he just couldn't see past their childish or annoying nature, really.</p><p>"I still hang out with them when they wish to drink a bit- which is a rarity. Normally we're content with junk food and video games."</p><p>The jock raised a brow at his phrasing, which had Double D smiling again. "Correction; they like their junk food and we all like video games." There was something… relaxed about the way they were talking right now. Kevin found himself enjoying it.</p><p>Not wanting to lose that comfort, Kevin clung to the common ground they had. "Oh yeah? What kind of video games do you like to play?" To be absolutely truthful, Kevin couldn't predict what kind of games Double D would enjoy. He figured he wouldn't like them, but he seemed to play them a good bit with the other dorks.</p><p>The two ended up talking over eggs about a variety of games- Kevin found out the actually enjoyed the same kind to a degree; Double D enjoyed playing shooter and zombie games with his friends, but sometimes if Ed and Eddy just wanted to watch him, he played more difficult, platform puzzle games.</p><p>Kevin joked that they should game together sometime, and Double D agreed just as jokingly, hiding another giggle behind his hand. "Perhaps I'll make you some more cookies, as well."</p><p>"Alright well it's gonna happen for sure, now." Kevin needed those cookies in his life again- they made him ascend to another plane of existence where war and troubles never touched.</p><p>"Perhaps one day- I'm far too busy usually-" Ugh, no, Kevin didn't want his busy schedule to get in the way of his heavenly cookies. Not again- not in this house no sir.</p><p>"With what?" Kevin's brows furrowed, catching Double D off guard with his tone- it wasn't purely curious. "I heard you talking to the dweeb awhile back. You're like, always busy except for a few hours on the weekends, right?"</p><p>Double D pursed his lips, sitting back- a little more guarded. Kevin kicked himself for getting lost in his comfort and pressing about it, but nothing could be done now. He wanted to know- for some reason the thought wouldn't leave his head.</p><p>Maybe that's why he came- he wanted to know why the dork was busy and tired and alone all the time.</p><p>"Yes, that's right. I have school work- both mandatory and extracurricular- as well as my own projects and chores to work on. Even with the fact I don't do everything all in one day, I still have enough work it takes up most my time. I normally have half a day or sometimes half of Saturday and Sunday to spend with Ed and Eddy."</p><p>"…Christ why do you do so much?" Kevin sighed, leaning back as well and giving the other an incredulous look. "Is that why you go to sleep so late?" At the others surprised blink, he shrugged. "Every time I go to bed late or wake up at 1 or 2 in the morning, I can see you out my window- I can usually see the lights on or your shadow."</p><p>Seemingly getting more uncomfortable, the dork sighed. "Well, it's the work I have to do so I can have a successful future." He stood, gathering the jock's plate and glass to bring to the kitchen. It seemed to Kevin like he wanted to leave the conversation, and was trying to do so.</p><p>Instead, he too got up and went to the kitchen.</p><p>"Doesn't it get tiring to have to do all that?"</p><p>"It's fine, it's what my parents would like of me. I still manage to get a good bit of sleep anyways."</p><p>"Do you <em>have</em> to do all this?"</p><p>"I want to, Kevin."</p><p>"I don't know- you sound pretty tired sometimes."</p><p>"Do I? My apologies- I don't mean to come off so informally-" The dork jumped when Kevin was suddenly by his side, squinting at him- searching his eyes. They were touching a bit- just their arms- but the jock couldn't deny there was something about it that made his stomach do a flip.</p><p>"What do you mean "informally"? We're the same age. You can act like a kid sometimes, you know." He only ever did with Eddy and Ed, it seemed. Somehow, those two of all people unlocked the carefree aspect of Edd enough that he could laugh and enjoy himself with them. "You can express being unhappy, you know."</p><p>That seemed to catch the other in… something. He seemed surprised and uncomfortable at the idea.</p><p>Double D opened and closed his mouth, before cocking his head. "Pardon me, but why do you care, Kevin?" There was animosity or anger in the question- just curiosity. Kevin couldn't blame him for that, either. They weren't exactly friends.</p><p>Stepping back, the jock rubbed the back of his neck and suddenly couldn't meet the eyes of his host.</p><p>"I never asked, but why did you come here, Kevin?" Double D's questioning was soft, no malice or bite to it. "You could have gone to Nazz's like you normally do, or just stayed at your friends' and passed out there. You even could have gone to Rolf's."</p><p>Kevin realized what he was doing to Double D earlier and how uncomfortable he made him with his questioning. He had an answer, but he didn't have the ability to say it just then.</p><p>"Why do you care?" </p><p>"I… I don't know."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yaaawen its like 4:30am and I am definitely tired and my cats got the zoomies but that's okay I love them...</p><p>Anyways! Kevin finally asked Double D what he's been wanting to ask for awhile- but he didn't really get the outcome he wanted. Not sure what he was expecting though.</p><p>Also kinda wanna make it clear I don't condone underaged drinking, but I come from a town/community where conversations between my peers in highschool about what they did drunk and stuff was pretty normal, and I have no reason to believe that these teens wouldn't be like that if I'm quite frank.</p><p>Another thing is though I don't get hung over- I've gotten pretty drunk a few times now and I just wake up feeling fine and dandy. I thought I'd share my gift with Kevin bc I'm nice like that huhuhuhu</p><p>I'm really excited to get to a certain point, but I have to drag myself through several more chapters to build up to it and I am just grumpy bc I wanna be there now! But ugh I will persist just to give you all a good story.</p><p>Thank you for reading and enjoying! Thank you to those who leave reviews, while I don't respond as I am very tired socially as of late, I appreciate them greatly and normally tell my husband and best friend about them bc they make me so happy and encouraged 3 I haven't written like this in a really long while so thank you to those who continue encouraging and supporting me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Maybe He Just Wants Friendship</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eddy and Double-D talk about Kevin for a bit, and Ed offers some insight.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So why'd shovel-chin leave your house this morning?"</p><p>"Good morning to you too, Eddy." Edd managed to keep himself from sighing too irritably; as it wasn't unexpected Eddy would see it. Despite his friend's desire to sleep in, often times his own school and work schedule kept him from doing so anymore. That being said, he still woke up terribly late for his standards- ten in the morning on Saturday? Tsk.</p><p>"What, he hit your head? It's afternoon, sockhead." The shorter- by only an inch mind you- boy teased lightly before moving to take the cookies from Edd's hands and bring them to a counter for later. "But seriously; what was the deal with that?"</p><p>This time no sigh was suppressed, the boys falling into silence as Edd gathered his thoughts and put them together. They were meeting to hang out at Eddy's house, as the nerd had promised him, and it was just them. Ed would likely be a little longer, but they knew without a doubt he would be there. But until then, they'd get this conversation out of the way.</p><p>"Last night, approximately at one in the morning, he showed up at my door… drunk." Edd continued forth while Eddy let out a loud hark of laughter, stifling himself to let the other continue, pure amusement unable to be concealed on his expression. "He was completely inebriated, hardly aware of anything. I believe he just got lost in the snow and how late it was, returning to his own home. Of course, it being so late and cold, I just let him sleep on the couch."</p><p>"What- seriously? I would have kicked him to the curb for the way he still treats us!" Eddy scowled, anger quickly replacing his amusement- just for the moment, the other was sure. "You shouldn't let that prick stay at your place when he's still a dick behind your back with his friends."</p><p>It never ceased to amaze and amuse Edd how… protective Eddy could be of his friends- especially of their kindness. It was no secret that Eddy had always been the one to look out for himself more than others, while Ed had boundless kindness and stupidity that he had no problem being used. Edd, however, admittedly felt obligated to do his kind deeds for others- now more than ever, as well. The shortest of the trio recognized this, and often tried to get Edd to see how he shouldn't let others step over him.</p><p>Which usually backfired in that Edd didn't let Eddy step all over him, something he recognized and also complained about.</p><p>That being said, the polite boy enjoyed helping people and being kind and considerate. He didn't regret his actions- not even letting Kevin staying over for breakfast, a bit later into the morning than he had anticipated. While he'd likely be up later to make up for the lost time spent talking, he still held no regrets.</p><p>The fact he felt obligated came from how tired he felt in his core. It was feeling harder and harder to find that joy he use to feel when someone smiled and thanked him for his help- harder and harder to want to help. If not for the image of the perfect friend, student, son- no doubt Edd would have snapped and curled in on himself to let others deal with their own problems.</p><p>As it was, he couldn't do that now. The guilt to fail his image and obligations was far too much- was far heavier than the guilt of letting his friends or peers down, now.</p><p>"He was drunk, Eddy, I wasn't going to shun him and force him to go home, where I don't doubt his parents would give him quite the talking to- especially with how late it had been. Furthermore, it was freezing last night and he was hardly dressed for the weather- what if he stumbled elsewhere and succumbed to hypothermia instead?"</p><p>Eddy looked as though he was going to encourage that, but under Edd's reproachful look, grumbled under his breath instead and let it go. "Fine, whatever, goodie-two-shoes." He huffed, and they both went over to his couch where he flicked on something to play while they waited for Ed.</p><p>They fell into a comfortable silence- Edd had been use to his behavior and grumbles long enough to know when they did and didn't hold any weight. There was no reason holding it against him- Eddy and Kevin still butt heads pretty hard, especially since Eddy called him out on standing aside or joining in when his friends made fun of others. This only resulted in Kevin still directly making fun of Eddy- things may never change between those two.</p><p>Edd was too tired to ponder it for much longer, letting a tired sigh leave him once more.</p><p>"…You're fine with him having stayed over, right?" Eddy asked, eyes searching his friend's face. "I know you "detest" it when people spend the night, so, you know…"</p><p>The fondness blossomed in his chest, and Edd was reminded how much Eddy had grown from their childhood not even 10 years ago. With a soft smile, he nodded. "Yes, he didn't make much a mess. The worst thing to come was that it ate up my time. It's nothing I can't handle, however."</p><p>"Why didn't you just clean while he slept or something?" The confusion was clear, and Edd felt his cheeks warm in embarrassment.</p><p>"Well… when he woke up we ended up talking for a good bit. I did clean while he was asleep- though I'm starting to suspect he was awake longer than he let on." It certainly seemed that way.</p><p>"What did you guys talk about?" Eddy squinted; as if thinking it was unrealistic the two could coexist well enough for a chat to actually distract Edd from his work. Which was a fair thought; his chores, homework, and other errands were usually at the forefront of his mind.</p><p>"Oh, discussed drinking, then we discussed video games- that took up the biggest portion of our conversation. He offered to play some we both enjoy if I give him more cookies." Edd couldn't help the amusement, and apparently neither could Eddy given his own snort and brief, flicker of a grin.</p><p>"Well, he's not wrong. These?" He lifted a cookie before taking a bite and lacking the decency to chew before going, "Are fuckin' heavenly and I will sell my soul if it means I can live off of them for the rest of my life."</p><p>Edd couldn't stop himself from laughing a bit, covering his mouth and willing it to be nothing more than a few chuckles. "Disgusting Eddy; chew your food before you talk."</p><p>For a few moments Eddy tormented Edd by obnoxiously chewing, causing the other to squirm away with his hands over his eyes, unable to contain his laughter- especially once Eddy joined him and they both got lost in their childish joy- just like being a kid.</p><p>Once they relaxed, Eddy regarded Edd with one of those looks- one he didn't develop until he became mature. Where he actually studied his friend and considered his words and thoughts.</p><p>"Would you?" At the confused glance sent his way, he rolled his eyes and explained further. "Would you go and play video games with Kevin?"</p><p>Edd didn't consider it a real possibility, but still considered the question nevertheless. The two weren't really friends, and hardly had any common ground beyond living in the cul-de-sac their whole lives and liking some of the same games. It would likely make the experience awkward once they ran out of banter, or if one said the wrong thing and drudged up uncomfortable memories or feelings from when they were nothing more than nerd and dweeb.</p><p>However, the conversation they did have was rather amusing… as well as relaxing. Edd would almost say it felt freeing, as though forgetting his duties had given him a chance to truly rest. Kevin was able to bring forth amusement and comfort- but then he also pressed about those questions…</p><p>"I don't know." He answered softly, honestly. "I enjoyed our conversation, but how far would that go before things got awkward when we ran out of common ground? And… he asked about my life. He overheard us earlier in the week, about how busy I am, and noted how I seem to hold myself in a… guarded manner."</p><p>Raising his brows in surprise, Eddy whistled a bit. "Wow, didn't think shovel-chin had the brains to be that perceptive." He snickered at Edd's glare. "But why'd he ask about it? He never seems to care when his friends are putting you down."</p><p>"I asked that as well- partly due to curiosity, but I will admit it was largely to deflect from having to answer. I asked him why he cared to know, or why he even came over. He just said he didn't know; things got stifling afterwards, so he said his goodbyes and went home."</p><p>"Well maybe he wants to be friends but doesn't know how!"</p><p>"Good lord man!"</p><p>"Jesus Ed!"</p><p>The two seated teens jumped, Edd clutching his chest as Ed smiled down at them happily. How on earth did he get in without either of them hearing?</p><p>He didn't seem to mind their fright or Eddy's anger as he sent a few curses his way, stepping over the couch to settle in between them.</p><p>"When did you get here, Lumpy- and why didn't you say anything?!" It's not that they didn't want to keep things from Ed; it's just that he still often misinterpreted things and sometimes made it difficult to talk about this stuff without it being derailed early on. He seemed to recognize that and wasn't too bothered, especially since they (usually Edd) still filled him in later or summarized if he was silent the whole time and got lost in his own thoughts.</p><p>"I got here a little bit ago!" He answered, the joy never leaving him. It was refreshing. "You and Double-D were busy, so I didn't want to interrupt! But now you seem confused." He smiled his big, lovable grin.</p><p>"Why do you think Kevin wants to be friends, Ed?" Edd asked softly, curious at his friend's answer. While not the most academically inclined, they could all agree he was likely the best at reading emotions.</p><p>They all had their strong points, and the trio balanced one another out beautifully.</p><p>"Because, Double-D! You're you! You're fun and creative and really know how to help people!" Ed stated that like it was the answer to everything, and Edd's hopes at some insight began to leave him before the other regarded him a little more seriously.</p><p>"Kevin's not a bad guy- he's just stuck! Frankie in my tutoring class says social pressure can be hard to escape, and I think you two have that in common. Your pressure from your parents and teachers, and his pressure from his peers and maybe even his parents!"</p><p>Edd blinked. "You… might be right."</p><p>"Wait, really?" Both Eddy and Ed seemed surprised by that.</p><p>"Maybe- I'm not omnipotent." He smiled a little. "Are you sure he's not simply curious about what goes on in my life- it is a pretty big secret to everyone else but you two. No one's ever met my parents before. I don't think anyone in the cul-de-sac has even seen them before."</p><p>"I have!" Ed pouted.</p><p>"Besides us, lumpy." Eddy lightly wacked him on the head- a love tap. "Anyways, Double D has a point. How do you know Shovel-chin wants to be friends and isn't just going to drag him along for his own sake?" He clearly didn't trust or think very highly of Kevin.</p><p>At both his friends looking at him for answers, Ed cocked his head. "I don't think he would have come to your house drunk if he didn't wanna be friends with you! It's something he did without really thinking!"</p><p>The other two shared a look, but before they could respond, he continued forth. "I think you should give it a chance, Double D! Maybe if he comes to you wanting to hang out, you should! You do work a lot on all those things, and he cares you're hurting and can't be yourself around anyone. Why not?"</p><p>That was a fair statement. "I… I suppose."</p><p>"And if he is being a bully, then I'll sit on him!" He said that with way too much of his lovable glee, but it got another grin out of Edd and a snort from Eddy.</p><p>With that, the discussion was over and they prepped for some monster movies. Both Ed and Eddy began eating their snacks- getting crumbs everywhere much to Edd's visible distaste- but otherwise respected that the nerd of the trio seemed to need a little time to sort through his thoughts.</p><p>Maybe there was some truth to what Ed said- that Kevin was like him and suffering under pressure and unable to be who he really wanted to be?</p><p>Did he know who he really wanted to be, though?</p><p>Because Edd didn't.</p><p>And there was another thing Ed said that had Edd regarding the other two seriously while they were content to focus on their movies and snacks and conversation of what happened in their week.</p><p>"You're hurting and can't be yourself around anyone."</p><p>Anyone.</p><p>Did Ed know that despite being one of his best friends, there was still something Edd kept closed off from him and Eddy? Did he know what emptiness lurked inside him, that constantly threatened to overthrow him and ruin all he had built up.</p><p>Maybe Ed did know, or maybe he recognized that maybe Ed and Eddy weren't enough to support Edd anymore.</p><p>Edd was tired. And with that thought, came all the reminders of all he had to do. How he was too tired to eat, wouldn't get more than a few hours of sleep, and would spend all of tomorrow working on things.</p><p>He just wanted to rest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A trio that balances one another out- I like this idea much better, even if I recognize that toxicity in their friendship is a totally valid thing given their personalities but... my boys deserve each other thank you. </p><p>Ed recognizes more than he can eloquently put, so he simply nudges his friend to find a friendship that can help him.</p><p>Sorry for the late update; here's to hoping I get a little quicker! I actually really enjoy writing this and already have a few scenes planned out. Thank you for those who leave reviews; they make my day &lt;3 &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Pressure is Mounting, Endlessly So</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eddy wants to confront Kevin. Kevin just wants to scream.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There had been eyes on the back of his head all day- a familiar glare that hardly weighed on him for the most part, but today there seemed to be something even… heavier about it. <br/><br/>Kevin was used to this particular glare when he won, or when he said something pretty rude about a particular trio of friends. It tended to follow him around all day at school, its ferocity never ebbing away- you’d think that over time it’d fade as the owner of the glare got over it, but that would assume he was capable of getting over it to begin with. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And if anyone could hold a grudge, it was definitely Eddy that was for sure. Kevin was sure his grave would say something spiteful like “I may be dead but I did better than Shovel-chin.” If he died after Kevin, he’d probably just want to put his grave on top of Kevin’s to continue spiting him. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn’t get better throughout the day- by the end of it, the shorter boy was approaching the jock, seemingly to confront him about whatever issue he had. It wouldn’t be the first time, and Kevin was sure it wouldn’t be the last time, either. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey Shovelchin-!” He was cut off, Kevin’s rising anger turning to confusement as Ed and Double D approached Eddy and interrupted the obvious confrontation- confusement turned to vague disappointment as Double D seemed to pay no real heed to Kevin. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>That kinda hurt, but Kevin wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because he liked talking to him on Saturday, and he wanted to keep that up, rather than distance. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>But why? Why was he doing all this stuff? Why did he go to his house? Kevin didn’t know and it was stressing him out- he wanted to scream at the sky and get this pressure out of him. Why was it so wrong to desire more than being distant neighbors that had awkward conversations here and there?<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get- off- of- me!” Eddy squirmed and thrashed against Ed, who simply laughed with glee. “Lumpy!” <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Awe! Eddy!” Ed smiled a big, dopey grin that made Kevin snort. “Were you going to invite Kevin to be our friend?” He finally let go of the other boy, whose scowl only deepened. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why on earth would Ed say something like that?<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kevin sent a look to Double D, but he was expertly keeping his gaze from him… albeit he was worrying his lip, as though in thought and considering things.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ed, I believe Eddy was approaching Kevin to discuss something else- it was rather rude to interrupt him…” Double D scolded gently, finally throwing a glance and-thank god- a smile towards Kevin. Maybe it was one of those forced smiles, but it was definitely better than him outright avoiding him.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why did it matter that he smiled at him. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why did Kevin care if he smiled.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why did he go to his house.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pressure was too much and it just kept mounting higher and higher, endlessly so.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was going to tell him to lay off of sockhead if he’s going to be a prick.” Eddy finally snapped- getting a glare from Kevin. He didn’t notice the way Double D sent a similar look to his friend. <br/><br/>“You don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with, shortstack.” Kevin hissed, stepping closer to loom over the shorter boy- to his credit he didn’t flinch or cower in fear or try to weasel out.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s not what I fucking said!” Eddy snapped. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Eddy! Language- we’re on school grounds.” Double D quietly admonished, but was ignored by all but Ed, who made a comment about how he was behaving. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really, because sounds to me like you’re telling me to lay off-”<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you’re gonna be a jerk to him!” Eddy repeated, clearly aggravated he had been misunderstood once already. “During school you’re an ass- especially with your friends!” Eddy poked him in the chest rather hard, and Kevin reacted by shoving him back. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>A fight was going to break out- Kevin wanted the fight- needed the fight.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pressure wasn’t going to stop- but he could let it go if he just threw one punch- one mean word- he could do it- set himself free from this aching feeling in his chest that just begged to be let out.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well who says I wanna be friends with the nerdy dweeb anyways?!” Kevin threw his hands in the air, taking another step forward to back Eddy against a wall- cornering him- forcing him to fight back and Kevin knew he would. “You’re all just a bunch of losers- a bunch of nobodies that no one wants to hang out with. You never grew up, and you never will!” <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He said that in anger, and he knew it immediately- there was a small look of satisfaction on Eddy’s face as though he had been proven right. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wanted him to say something taunting or snarky- something for Kevin to have the justifications to punch him. Just once- but ideally more than that. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pressure it was so bad and god he was such a bad person that the only way it could be released was by beating someone up but he needed it so badly the pressure was so bad-<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Awe, you don’t mean that Kevin!” Ed laughed, waving it off, successfully intervening as the biggest of the group. When Kevin looked at the other two, Double D had that tired expression back, and was actually zoned out. When he noticed the redhead staring, he schooled his features to something polite, sending Kevin a smile. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>For some reason, that smile after he said that only made him feel worse. Double D was smiling at him after he threatened one of his best friends and tried to instigate it. Double D was smiling at him after he said they were all a bunch of losers and he didn’t want to be friends with him.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Double D was smiling at him with a fake smile because that was easier on his pride to express- it was easier to express a smile rather than a sad look. A disappointed look that Kevin could just laugh and mock. <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>You actually thought we could be friends? You and me? What a fucking joke.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He needed to apologize to take it all back.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pressure kept building and it wouldn’t stop-<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What makes you so sure, huh?” Kevin taunted- he didn’t know why. Ed gave him the chance to back down, apologize- to say he was right and he didn’t mean that.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was no denying that Kevin wanted to be friends with Double D.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ed was right, he didn’t mean what he said.<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pressure was so bad and just kept mounting and building and it hurt- it hurt so much- he just wanted to scream at everyone-<b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gentleman, we should be on our way.” Double D swiftly and easily cut in. “You still have work after school, Eddy. It wouldn’t do to be late, not with Thanksgiving so close.” <b></b></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The shorter boy took a deep breath and while his brows remained furrowed angrily, he backed off. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Apologies for disturbing you, Kevin. Eddy can be rather protective and angry. We’ll leave you be now- I have much to do when I get home, anyways, and this is taking up precious time.” Double D stated, tone soft yet firm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The three boys quickly left, and Kevin was left with a bitter taste in his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pressure didn’t go away, but he willed it to at least fall silence so he could finally go to his locker, get his books, and just go home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something about Eddy just infuriated him, brought out a fight he didn’t actually want to do. It didn’t help that every time the shorter boy came into topic amongst his friends, they just egged his hatred and anger on further- encouraged him to insult him, to throw a punch- anything but rational conversation. Anything but listening. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>All in all, he had to admit they weren’t that different, after all. Eddy just did the same thing for Double D as Kevin has done for Nazz- but he didn’t want to admit that. To anyone much less Eddy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The argument was hardly exciting- it was just Eddy losing his temper after holding onto that anger all day, and Kevin lashing out at them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lashing out at Double D, despite wanting nothing more than to invite the guy over to play some video games and just hang out in a way he hadn’t been able to in so long.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With his football friends, a lot of it felt shallow- their friendship would crumble when high school ended, only those going to the same college maybe staying in touch. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He opened his locker, and he found a plastic bag with some cookies in them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Letting his head fall back, he sighed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pressure wouldn’t stop.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter was kinda difficult for me to write, ngl. It's hard for me to write fights- and in all reality, this fight and scene probably wasn't that long or exciting to the other boys. It seemed as normal as ever, just a few minutes where Kevin and Eddy argued and Kevin seemed irritated.</p>
<p>Kevin on the other hand has a much bigger whirlwind going on internally, and I want to take a peek at it.</p>
<p>Initially when I began writing this, it was suppose to be more Edd centric, but now they both have problems they gotta work through.</p>
<p>ANyways! Thank you for reading and especially thank you to those who comment~ they make me feel really nice uwu</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Perfection at the cost of Happiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Edd has Thanksgiving with his parents. Being alone would have been better.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Updated tags to include suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts; they will be a little more prevalent, but not a constant for every chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They didn't talk again during school, and Edd spent his Thanksgiving alone.</p><p>Well, actually, not totally alone.</p><p>He wished he had been alone- that would have been much less painful.</p><p>His parents came home, but it wasn't out of love for their son- it wasn't even out of obligation to take care of him or check on him, and he knew that. Even as his heart ached, he knew it was stupid and foolish of him to think that maybe they would think and care beyond his schooling and grades- beyond his accomplishments and how he appeared perfect to their peers.</p><p>They were perfect adults who would expect nothing less but perfection from their son, after all.</p><p>And he hated it- it made him want to curl up and <em>cry</em> but he couldn't. He couldn't cry- not when he went home with disappointment in his heart at the words Kevin said. Not when he had to stay up all night cleaning and preparing a thanksgiving meal for the two that didn't even care about how he felt or how he was doing.</p><p>He didn't get to cry when all he wanted to do was be a kid, and the idea that maybe he could play video games and relax was taken away as his parents demanded- in their cold, polite tones that he was replicating so well and he could just know they were proud- more from him.</p><p>"Eddward, the McGee girl is researching a good bit- more than you. You should make more efforts to keep up, son."</p><p>"Of course, mother." And that was all that was even said on the matter. He agreed with no argument, and he could tell that they were pleased.</p><p>Pleased their personal project called "Eddward" was turning out so well.</p><p>Tears didn't threaten to fall, but cries stayed locked within his chest- threatening to break against him. His lungs and ribs- they ached so painfully as they battered relentlessly against him to a point he was sure his body would break.</p><p>Honestly, he wouldn't mind that. To crumble and fall into an oblivious end where no such pain exists.</p><p>All he wanted to do was to cry- all he wanted was to go to Eddy's and curl up on his couch while he and Ed sat on either side of him and played their game- offering him their presence without words.</p><p>Edd just wanted comfort- to feel loved. Only Eddy and Ed offered him that- only they saw the cracks in him.</p><p>Maybe his parents saw his cracks, too.</p><p>They probably did- they were as smart as he was. Maybe they saw it but they refused to do anything- they refused to fix the problems he had because that would be admitting imperfection and flaws and they just couldn't do that.</p><p>They'd rather he break into a million pieces so they could sweep that failure under the rug.</p><p>And God all he wanted to do was cry.</p><p>He had thanksgiving dinner with them though, asking them the appropriate questions regarding their work and projects, listening attentively and being sure to respond the way he knew how to. Not paying attention held consequences for him- voices might raise and he'll be told how <em>disappointing</em> he is to them and he just couldn't deal with that anymore.</p><p>Not when he was so close to breaking.</p><p>Of course, when they had finished talking about their work and projects, they turned to him and asked him his questions.</p><p>There was a polite smile on his face as he answered. After so many years, he knew the script he was meant to follow when it came to them.</p><p>Internally he just felt like curling up in the shadows.</p><p>When they finally left- they had an important meeting to attend to and needed to be there in the morning- he sat at the table, hands in his lap. Needing a moment, he simply stared at the table.</p><p>Despite knowing he needed to rest, he did pick himself to go and clean- thoroughly and efficiently. He <em>had</em> to so he could evade being a failure. The idea of leaving it until morning was an appetizing thought in that at least he could get some more rest, but he knew that would leave him feeling disgusting. Furthermore, what if his parents were to return to see the table still a mess?</p><p>So, he cleaned.</p><p>It was so late when he finally got to go to bed, the weariness in his body weighed him down, threatening to pull him through the earth. He couldn't even go to sleep, however, as the exhaustion was not that relatable to sleepiness- no, it was on a spiritual level if Edd were to believe that sorta thing.</p><p>While standing in his room, preparing for bed, he glanced over and saw Kevin's house. The lights were on downstairs, and he saw animated silhouettes- the Barr family was alive and active still. Kevin was no doubt enjoying his time with his parents and family. Edd knew they were there, he had seen the cars pull up and his relatives or family friends</p><p>Edd envied the kids on the cul-de-sac. He knew they all had loving families- the closest to being like him was Johnny, but at least his foster parents showed more care and love to him than his own.</p><p>Even Johnny's parents viewed their child as a child, unlike how Edd's viewed him as some project to be molded and perfected.</p><p>There was a bitterness in the teenager as he recalled his feelings of jealousy- especially regarding his friends. He felt so awful- like he deserved punishment- for being jealous of their families.</p><p>Growing up Ed had struggled feeling a little neglected, but it had gotten better as both he and Sarah grew. As his sister was no longer a baby who needed to be coddled in her mother's eyes, love returned to both children. Especially as Ed grew intelligence wise and they were able to entrust him with more than simple chores. It was a struggle for his parents but they got better- they put forth that effort and while they weren't perfect, Ed felt loved and like he could rely on them.</p><p>Eddy's parents showed tough love, but in the end it worked for Eddy- he was an angry, loud, boy who got into fights and tried to scam his neighbors constantly. He wanted to fight them because he was greedy- he felt entitled to those things. As he mellowed out, they mellowed out. He acted all- how was Ed put it?- tsundere about his love for them, but it was there. They loved him in a fashion that helped him grow to be a better person. As he matured he understood it a bit better.</p><p>Only one time had Edd been so vulnerable and broken had he admitted his jealousies to his friends, unable to meet his eyes as his voice cracked and trembling shook his body. He was so deeply upset, then, and they knew it and he <em>hated it</em> but he just couldn't get himself to stop- to shut up so he didn't tell them how imperfect he really was.</p><p>But he did tell them- he told them just how terrible he truly was. Out came the secrets, how he envied them because while they had their struggles, at least they were loved. At least their parents took care not to put too much strain on them. At least they had that, while Edd was robbed of it- sure he had more money and a comfortable home but he'd drop that if he could just <em>breathe</em>.</p><p>Yet he couldn't.</p><p>Humiliation flooded Edd then, and it filled him again just by remembering it. Shame burned away within, along with the churning desire to cry and disappear. It made him feel nauseous.</p><p>It actually filled Edd with this… terrifying desire to just… stop. He didn't want to exist anymore- he didn't want to deal with that growing pressure pushing down on him, threatening to squish him.</p><p>Kevin's light in his room, across the street, turned on. Edd couldn't help but watch as Kevin walked in, looking tired but content.</p><p>Jealousy joined in with the shame burning inside him.</p><p>Everyone else got to be happy.</p><p>He just had to be successful.</p><p>Pulled from his thoughts by movement, Edd realized Kevin had seen him and offered an awkward, shy wave. Edd returned it, before closing his blinds and finally lying in bed.</p><p>He prayed he wouldn't wake up.</p><p>For that he would have had to sleep, and he did not that night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Two chapters in one night? Power of a new laptop, y'all.</p><p>Anyways, wanted to take some time to explore Edd a bit more is all uwu. Who needs sleep when you have icecream and angst, right?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Proud Apologies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nazz offers Kevin some advice, and he makes a decision regarding Double D.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things continued onward, without them interacting more than an awkward wave or nod. Weeks passed like that, and before anyone knew it, Christmas break was upon them. Most students were under pressure for a variety of things, lots of teachers piling things on to be done before their few weeks free from school.</p><p>Edd seemed to be good, though. Kevin hung behind at the end of school sometimes- just when he was going home alone- and he'd see him at his locker, getting his stuff. Sometimes alone, sometimes with his friends- occasionally Kevin would see someone else trot up and talk about club stuff, or a teacher stop and talk about an idea for a project.</p><p>He seemed fine- and Kevin shouldn't care, anyways. They weren't friends, after all. Just neighbors- Double D was just a neighbor he was curious about.</p><p>Besides, Kevin's life still went on- he still had pressing matters to take care of that didn't deal with the dork. He had his friendships- basketball games now that football was over. Truth be told, he found sports helped with that pressure inside. To throw that ball with some force, bump into someone else with a little more power than needed- the anger he was allowed to let go of.</p><p>The sports helped some- but he knew talking to Edd truly without any eyes might help even more so.</p><p>He wondered if he was getting tired, but he still answered things and paid attention in class as bright as always. Even when Kevin woke up in the middle of the night just to see the bedroom across the street have a living silhouette in it.</p><p>It was fine.</p><p><em>He</em> was fine.</p><p>"Earth to Kev~" Nazz waved a hand in front of him. "Where you at, man?" Though she giggled, there was a bit of concern in her eyes as well. The way she studied him knowingly.</p><p>"Oh- uh- sorry Nazz. Just a little lost in thought. Just thinking about how busy we all get before Christmas." He shrugged a bit, slouching a bit more on the couch.</p><p>They were hanging out- just the two of them- at her house with some random movies playing in the background as they did their homework. Well- Nazz was still working on one of her things, while Kevin had finished his. Admittedly, he just copied off of one of his friends who copied off of someone else.</p><p>Listen, it got him passing grades enough he could get a scholarship for his sports, he didn't care all too much.</p><p>He couldn't help the snort at the scandal Double D would see it as. Only to feel his soul weigh down a little more thinking about him.</p><p>"Alright, that's it dude." Nazz rolled over and sat up, bumping her shoulder against his own. "You've been acting kind of weird for awhile- ever since that one party you zone out way more."</p><p>"What? No- I'm perfectly fine- ouch!" She lightly whacked him on the head, scowling at him lightly.</p><p>Pointing a finger in his face, she reached over him to grab some chips. "Don't lie to me- I know you better than that. We've been friends since, like, forever. I know how you are." She leaned back and leveled him with an expectant look, eyebrows raised.</p><p>After a few moments of silence, he sighed. "Alright, alright- it's the double dweeb, okay?"</p><p>With that, Nazz brows furrowed and he just felt his frustration grow inside of him. It's not like he could answer the questions she'd probably have.</p><p>...But at least she would understand that. She always understood him, unlike anyone else ever did.</p><p>There were still times he thought she might be his real soulmate, but then they tried that dating thing and it just didn't work out. Everyone was waiting for the day they "saw the light" and got together, but it just wasn't going to happen. They both knew that, and we're more than content to just be friends.</p><p>"I don't know, Nazz. I overheard him and shortstack, and then… that one party- you know where I said I just went home?" He saw the cogs turning in her head, until her eyes widened and he nodded. "Yeah- I went to his house at like two in the morning, drunk off my ass, and passed out on his couch. And he just took me in and even cooked me breakfast!"</p><p>"Dude; that's more than half our friends would do. I don't even cook you breakfast; I just throw toaster waffles at you." That at least got a snort out of the redhead, and he seemed a little lighter.</p><p>"Yeah, well, we talked for a bit. And I felt… I felt good, Nazz. He wasn't expecting anything of me, and we just talked about video games. No gossip, no parties, no sex- just games. And we both said we'd like to play together sometimes and I think we really meant it." He gave her a glance. "Like, really meant it. But then- I started asking him about… I don't know. Why he's so highstrung and serious. He got defensive and closed off on me. He asked me why I cared and I couldn't tell him why."</p><p>"...Well, Why do you care, Kev?" Nazz asked, gently coaxing him forward.</p><p>The internal struggle was clear on his expression, furrowing his brows and biting his lips before he let out a sigh. Head falling forth, he remained silent for a little bit longer.</p><p>"When I talk to him, I dunno, I just feel like… maybe we're both struggling with pressure. He talks about how his parents and school and everyone expects so much from him- and is it really that different from me? From us? I need to be this cool jock that doesn't let his friends down. I'm always there- for the next fight or to laugh at the "losers"-" He cut himself off at 'loser', guilt flashing on his face.</p><p>"Oh Kevin- what happened?" Nazz already knew he must've said something rude to Edd- either indirectly, or directly. Enough so the other boy heard it and was hurt.</p><p>"Eddy got on my case. Told me to back off if I was gonna be a prick and just-" He rubbed his face, running his hands through his hair. "He just pisses me off so much, y'know? I see him and I wanna knock myself out just so I don't have to deal with him. And he kept sayin' shit and it just escalated and I blew my top on him. And the other dorks. Ed said I didn't mean it but I called them losers and basically said I didn't want to be friends with them- but-"</p><p>He cut himself off with a sigh. Truth was, he knew instantly that he regret saying that to Double D.</p><p>"...Why don't you apologize to him?" Nazz suggested, only to roll her eyes and snort at the flabbergasted look he sent her. "Oh, come on dude, it's not the end of the world."</p><p>"I don't know Nazz." Kevin took a deep breath as he straightened himself out. "I want to, but every time I see him all I can do is nod or give an awkward wave. All our friends- they're all such dicks to him and I guess a part of me is worried about going against the flow, you know?"</p><p>Contemplating it for a moment, Nazz hummed. "Well, I don't think they'll care <em>that</em> much at the end of the day. Might tease you and stuff, but nothing too bad, I don't think. And if anyone does well… they're pretty stupid and not worth it."</p><p>"...Yeah, I know. I mean- the odds of them making any real difference to my life is small but its just- right now, you know? I don't want to spend high school feeling miserable."</p><p>"Well, neither does Double D." Nazz ventured. "Maybe he could use a different friend outside of Eddy and Ed."</p><p>Studying her face for a moment, Kevin sighed and let his head fall back. "How is it you're always right about this kinda stuff?'</p><p>"Because you're a dense boy." The cheerleader giggled, reaching across again for snacks.</p><p>"...Yeah that's fair." He grinned, snatching the chips from her hands while they were still en route, resulting in a squawk from the blonde before she began playfully swatting at him.</p><p>"God, what a thief! Here I am offering my kind wisdom, and you just steal from me? You know, you owe me."</p><p>"Oh yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah- I figure out your problems. You owe me payment for them."</p><p>"Well, not unless you help me with this one, last problem."</p><p>Cocking her head to the side, she shot him a questioning smile.</p><p>"How in God's name do I apologize to him?"</p><p>Kevin wanted to apologize to him, but his pride made that such a complex, difficult thing. He'd rather tackle astro-physics before apologizing sometimes. It's not that he meant to be like that- he could admit to himself more often than not when he was in the wrong.</p><p>But admitting it to another person?</p><p>That felt impossible- like if he were to do so, that pressure would pop out of his chest like one of those aliens and destroy him completely.</p><p>Nazz rolled her eyes, but fondly so. She understood his difficulties with it- they had been best friends forever, after all. She knew so much about him- she loved him dearly, faults and all. He was her best friend, and she was his best friend.</p><p>"Well, I guess the first thing would be don't show up at his house at two in the morning again."</p>
<hr/><p>Okay, it was midnight when he knocked on Double D's door. Not two am, so not too bad. Plus, this time he was wearing a sweater, so he was less cold.</p><p>Besides, he knew the dweeb was still awake.</p><p>The door clicked open, and he was met with the nerd's confused gaze. "Kevin? It's midnight- what are you doing outside?"</p><p>"I'm sorry." He blurted out, suddenly and quickly, clearly catching the other boy off guard. "I didn't mean what I said. I don't think you're a loser. I want to be friends with you." Oh god, that sounded so awkward and cringy to his ears.</p><p>Double D's slow blinking and furrowed brows did not aid, especially as the silence stretched on.</p><p>"Well?!" He snapped, both out of growing embarrassment and the cold settling in his bones.</p><p>"Oh- um- well." Double D shifted, seemingly gathering his bearings. "I- I wasn't really mad at you. I know Eddy and you tend to rile each other up, so I just wanted to give you space. It's alright, really."</p><p>"...So… we're good?" Kevin asked, hesitant?</p><p>The smile he was given sent relief through his system, even if he knew it wasn't the most genuine he could give. "Yes, Kevin, we are fine."</p><p>Kevin didn't stay the night, but there was a new warmth in his chest that carried him all the way to bed.</p><p>Their friendship was no doubt going to be weird and clunky, and probably awkward. But with Nazz's encouragement, Kevin was confident it would be something worth the effort.</p><p>A bit of the pressure ebbed away, and he slept peacefully.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Friendship time? Friendship time.</p><p>Kevin has a lot of pride in his soul- that and the expectations from others cause him to be rather awkward and unsure of certain things that others don't already hype him up for. Also, if you come from a family/environment where you rarely actually say "I'm sorry", it is one of the most painful experiences out there. Trust me, I speak from experience lmao</p><p>Comments give me so much life<br/>Thank you to those that already have commented means sm to me</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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